Hello

I have been contemplating returning to this blog for some time. One of the reasons I stopped writing this for an audience was that our living situation changed as we had invited lodgers to stay for three months to help them out. Although they had hoped to stay for much, much longer, it did not work out and they found somewhere else to live. It was a difficult time for us all, methinks. And for all those friends, family, acquaintances who had responded to the possibility of lodgers in our home with bewilderment and dismay... yes, I have to sadly admit you were right all along. I understood your concern at the time but there are times in life when you have to step out of your comfort zone. That is what I was trying to do. Saying all that though - we, as a family were pleased to have honoured our offer for them to stay. But sometimes no matter how hard one tries, things are just not meant to be. We obviously wish them all the best in their future dwellings.

My mind has as usual been working overtime. No surprises there, you say. I seem to have gone through phases of being deeply triggered and then other times where I feel lighter fortunately, like now. Something I have had cause to question and contemplate this year is how different people react to their own experiences of childhood trauma. As you know, I have found personal therapy to have been a huge help for me to understand my own traumatic past more deeply. But I could not begin to comprehend what others have survived and why they use certain coping strategies. That is something for everyone to work on for themselves. Trauma resonates in such a complex way in each individual it touches.

As for my father.... he has a wonderful youthful new carer who has brought joy and light into his life. I am pleased she is working with him at this time of his life as he is slowly running out of puff. So when he feels she steps out of line or says something with which he disagrees, he lets out a whimper rather than a ROAR. She is with him for the first hour of his morning and then I have to take over for the rest of the day before my husband does the evening shift. My father has kept relatively well the past few months. Thank goodness, as that makes my life slightly easier as I do not have to spend much time with him. I do what I need to do for him but I am at long last also living my life. We have managed to have a couple of thoroughly enjoyable short breaks away by the seaside to recuperate and recharge the batteries.

I may not write this blog as often as I did previously but it feels good to be moving thoughts on by writing them down once again. I have often felt intense stagnant thoughts have been lodging in my mind for far too long. It is time for them to be released into the ether.