Big decision.

I have to make the right choice for me and so I have decided to not continue with therapy at this time. Last night was a rough night with my father waking me up twice. [His first night home from hospital.] It always takes me an hour or two to switch off after dealing with him so I have not had much sleep. I am therefore struggling today on a very empty energy tank. On top of that I am feeling so overwhelmed with the therapy stuff from my first session. I know this therapy is going to become more and more difficult as we delve into my ’stuff’. I know that if I am not coping now after one session, I am going to be so defragmented as we continue through the process and I will not be of any help to anyone. Unfortunately I have responsibility for my father’s care 23 hours of the day and I cannot and do not want to be in bits when I have to deal with him. I know I need more therapy and I will organise that at a less hectic time when it is right for me to do so.

PS My reason for attempting personal therapy now had been to feel supported and to help me understand my confused feelings at this time. But the therapist I chose wished to do a deep dive into my psyche immediately. I was not ready for that. That is not what I need at present. Fortunately, as I started processing the first session, I realised why I was feeling totally overwhelmed and that is why I chose to end it.

NB: Always do what is best for you. I am slowly learning to do so. I have always put others first but no longer; my priority should be me.