Right time

I have decided to continue writing this blog as it has definitely helped me but now is time to write with an audience of one, just me. I have benefitted from writing for an audience though. I think I felt the need to open up so that others could witness my pain and trauma. I needed validation. That is something I had never received as a child and especially not from my dad. So at least others being my witness now has helped me feel I was not completely worthless. There was a reason I survived.

I have felt honoured that a few readers have felt they could share their pain and trauma with me as I would understand. That feeling of being all alone and no-one caring is a harsh reality for many but we are not alone. There is always someone there for us.

An old high school friend recently told me I was amazing for keeping in touch with my old school friends. I explained, my friends have always meant the world to me as they helped me through really difficult times. Even if they had no idea what was going on in my life. Only one high school friend ever asked me directly at the time. The others? Like everyone else, they may have had an inkling but never asked. That was their prerogative.

Anyway, as for being the unwilling carer aka me, that continues. He is getting weaker and I am subjected to having to care for him more closely. He needs help getting up. He needs his catheter day bag emptying every hour. He needs water pouring into his sippy cups. His morning carer comes for half an hour to an hour each day. I have to pick up the pieces for the rest of the day until my husband gets home and then he does the evening shift.

Life goes on.

PS Thanks for reading and being my witness. It means more than you will ever know. <3