(6) When...

it is Saturday again and I have a knotty nervousness in my stomach. The reason being, the past three Saturdays have been a rollercoaster with my father having major catheter issues. In fact, it has been hit and miss as to whether he would need to go to A & E.

That is something I am trying to avoid at all costs. Firstly, the waiting times to be seen are horrendous and he is in a high state of anxious distress as he is in pain. But he also disintegrates into a mess of extreme frustration and irritability as he is not a top priority patient, i.e. his problem is not life or death. He cannot comprehend the hierarchy of needs in A & E. His anguish in turn evolves into anger and as I am the nearest known punchball, it is directed at me.

[He has no qualms about exploding in front of an 'audience' any more. He used to manage to control his rages especially if the onlookers were known to him and so would mostly erupt in the private presence of my Mum and myself. But now he does not have the oomph or wherewithal to contain it any longer.]

I hate it, hate it, HATE IT! I used to be so ashamed when that happened but I have learnt to try and rise above it and instead I observe the people watching him have a tantrum like a little child. It is not my shame to behold. But saying that, I still do not like all the attention.

Oh well, here is hoping this Saturday will be a calm, quiet okay day for all of us. I live in hope.

PS Yay, he had no issues today. Phew!