His views on Women.

This topic has come to the forefront of my mind as my dad's caseworker brought it up the other day. He has had both male and female carers but as with many caring type jobs, there is a much larger ratio of women to men. I had noticed that he would only shower if a male carer was present so I explained this to one of the female carers who passed it on to his caseworker. This caused her to investigate further and she discovered that the female carers all said that dad does not need any help from them. He will do everything himself albeit very slowly whereas the male carers explained he needs a lot of help. When she told me, I replied that is because he is 'old school'. She immediately interjected that that was not the reason, she thought it was lovely because he did not want to put the female carers out by getting them to help him. Codswallop!

Anyway, I decided to let her have her ideas of my dad. She has not even met him. I think if/when she does meet him, she may change her mind. So her answer is to rota as many males for him as possible.

I know different. I have known this man for fifty six years. His view of women has never changed sadly. I wonder where this issue with women derives. Did his original female carers, that is his Mum and his Granny treat him with such disdain and disrespect? What happened? I will never know as he will never tell me. But he has always had a bitterness towards women. He has managed to hide it with charm and humour from most of them. I hated watching these performances. He has never really got to know women especially. His conversations with them have always been about himself and therefore deflecting from any of their stuff.

His disdain for women especially has smothered new, exciting horizons for him and so he has remained a closed, old-fashioned musty-smelling tome. I say this as women preachers have received the brunt of his derision. I think if he had been more open to understanding their point of view, his world would have opened up so much. But no chance.

I suppose I always compare him to my Mum. She evolved with the times and was open and willing to learn about all religions and faiths. She always seemed like a fluid river readily permitting tributaries to flow in to expand her knowledge and her true self.

There is so much to write about this but I have a lot to do today and I am also in quite an upbeat mood. I know, if I continue mulling this over and dredging up all the nightmarish incidents relating to his despicable attitude towards women, it will drag me down into the quagmire. And I do not wish to go there today. The sun is shining and I actually have a day to myself (apart from looking after him) so I am on a mission to enjoy it and to be happy.

Go well, my friends.

PS I wrote the above and then went downstairs to give him his pre-breakfast medicine and do a few jobs before his carer arrived. I don't think his caseworker does really think that. I think she is trying to protect her female carers from him. I feel like she does not want to upset me either. (She wouldn't - I know him.) I have been slowly getting to know a lot of the carers - female and male. And most of those women would not tolerate any nonsense from him although I suppose as he is a customer of theirs, he is supposedly always right. Their purpose is to get him to be independent and not need them. Perhaps the women conveyed that to him and so he does not ask them to help but the men are different with him. Who knows? I am confused. But whatever, he is now only going to have male carers if at all possible. I am pleased about that as I do not want any other women to go through what I go through with him daily.

PPS My Mum was not a saint - she had her quirks as we all do. One of them was that she hated the Japanese. Apologies to all Japanese. Her reasoning was that she had seen the Japanese prisoners of war coming off the boats in her hometown docks and she hated how the Japanese had treated these men. It was a desperately sad image that stuck with her always.

PPPS I have just had a thought flash through my mind. Possibly her never to be forgotten image was the prisoners of war whereas mine is the prisoners in the cattle trucks that I wrote about yesterday. Fascinating.