I am very close to succumbing to hysteria.

[Maybe a bit dramatic but some days just get you d-o-w-n.]

May I just step off our beloved Mother Earth for a moment please? Today's happenings are all too much for me.

- He decided very late on to cancel his care just before an introductory meeting with his new carer today. She was due to start tomorrow.

- His council care review officer who has been off poorly then phoned me to explain that the total amount stated in a letter to dad regarding his care was more than five times the amount he would have had to pay. That total would have been for eight hours care/day, he has half an hour. She had apparently warned the finance officer not to put that amount in the letter as it would scare him away. But she did and it had.

- The hospital had inserted a larger catheter in October due to him having constant bypassing of you-know-what and hence, pain. Unfortunately, this information had not seeped through to the district nurses or the GP. So when the district nurse came to change his catheter last week, she inserted the original smaller version. I had asked her how do we fix this catheter size issue and whether I needed to contact the GP.

I was told under no circumstances should I do that, the district nurses had to do it. But

then dad started having the same problems as before. And when he has pain passing

water, it often means he has an UTI so the GP prescribes antibiotics. I contacted the GP

regarding dad's pain and also mentioned the catheter issue. The GP duly prescribed a

larger size catheter immediately and along came the antibiotics too.

The catheter has arrived today and even though the outer label states the larger size,

when I checked the actual catheter, that label states it is the same size as the smaller

one he already has inserted. So they have sent the wrong size.

Another AAAAAAAARGH from me today!

Thank goodness I did not phone the district nurses to let them know it has arrived as I

would have been slated on two accounts - for telling the GP about this issue and as

it is still the wrong size. Even though that is not my fault.

I think I desperately try and live my life not being told off or criticised by anyone as I

have enough of it from him and so when things like this happen; it is all just

too much for me.

Once again, it is the shame. Shame is such a huge issue and it is so difficult to turn off

that shame switch when it is ingrained in you.

Meanwhile, everything else in my life is hunky-dory.

I am not holding out much hope it will stay that way though today.