Self-care

'You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes a day. Unless you're too busy, then you should sit for an hour.' (Apparently an old Zen quote that has been passed down through the ages.)

This is vital at all times but even more so when I am preparing for him to leave hospital and then, when he is actually home. I need to be grounded and at peace with myself so I can deal with him.

I learnt this when caring for my Mum for so long. I started silent meditation for thirty minutes every morning and evening. Whenever I had a short break, I would listen to calming music and try to be still. I would grab every bit of free time I could, as caring is so intense, especially as it was with my Mum. Her breathing was the issue.

My garden has always been my safe haven and just standing looking at the plants is calming for me. I love listening to the birds, watching the squirrels' antics and don't get me started on ants. I have always been amazed at the weights they can carry and how they greet each other. Okay enough, looking upwards....the sky is ever-changing. I can easily switch off by watching the moon and stars at night or in the day, observing the clouds or soaking up the sunshine. Rain does not phase me either and I grew up in a place of thunder and lightning so I have a sense of wonder for all weathers. Nature definitely helps gives me peace and joy. And, as you know by now, being with my dogs fills me with happiness. I also love walking and being part of nature. Big, open spaces are my favourite but the local neighbourhood will suffice.

I have a slightly different self-care routine for caring for dad. It seems more active. I listen to guided meditations when I awake. A must-do meditation for me is 'Ground Yourself'*. I find if I do not get a chance to do this before I am immersed in dad's frenetic whirlwind of being, I get swept up by it too and it is really difficult to keep grounded and not get dragged down. The meditation describes being rooted to the earth by a big, strong tree and that speaks to me, as I have mentioned previously.

Sometimes, I use uplifting meditations and at other times I need more serious ones. I go with the flow and see where my mood takes me. I also use guided meditations or sleep stories at night to calm my mind. I need to quieten the chatter in my head about the day's events before I go to sleep and that can sometimes take a while. I have found writing this blog really helps jettison all the day's 'stuff' though, so this has been a positive addition to my self-care.

Continuing on the writing theme. Now I have got over his put downs and shaming about my writing, I am finding it quite cathartic. My Mum always wrote journals and I would sit and watch her scrawling away, absolutely fascinated how words just seemed to pour out of her mind and onto the page. Obviously, as I had been told I could not do it, when I tried I would always seem to have brain freeze and not know what to write. Funnily enough, sitting here now, the words are flowing freely. But I have a different mindset now and that makes all the difference.

I have a daily journal that has positive thoughts and prompts to help me if I need them. It's a four month journal and I have almost completed two years' worth now. I started that type of journal as I did not feel confident about writing and thought the prompts may be helpful. Who knows, my next journal may be a free writing one. I have completed a few creative journals with mixed media over the years, especially after my Mum passed. That creativity really helped me express my grief. I think I should try another one of those soon.

I have recently started a 365 days exploration journal. It is quite fun as every day has a different prompt that brings back memories or encourages me to consider how I would like my future to be or provides me with a way to express my feelings for that day. I also enjoy it as you do not have to work through the prompts in order, you can 'bounce' around the book and I like that. I am not very good at staying within rigid lines, I like to be free. That has always been a part of me but has only shown itself at various times over the years. I am no longer going to suppress that part of me. That is how I am and how I wish to be, from now on. And that is how I wish for you to be too. To be comfortable in yourself.

[* From the Simple Habit app.]