Strength of support.

This week has been very different. We have had so many carers, nurses, physiotherapists and occupational therapists visiting our house, it has been a bit draining and I am not even the one being prodded, poked, being told to walk here and get up there. It has been tiring for my dad too but he has been getting through it all okay.

There is a bit of a fightback going on though. He is trying to prove he can manage to do everything for himself. He even said that to me yesterday when I was praising his carers. For example, the occupational therapist asked him to show her how he gets out of bed. He did it easily with no fuss. I was so shocked because every time I am around, he needs help doing it. It is hard to do as it seems to take so much of my strength to help him up. It is almost as if he pushes back against me which really is not helpful. But now I know he can do it on his own, there is no need for me to help any more. I may have to remind him about that.

The other day, he had a phone call from the district nurses about his catheter as they wanted to check when it had been changed in hospital. He swore blind down the phone that it had not been changed. Fortunately I had stuck around in case he wanted me to speak to them. This strange argument ensued where he was saying it had not happened and I was telling him the opposite and the nurse was interjecting on the phone. Mad few minutes until I got his catheter passport and could prove it to him as the information was there in black and white. I also took the phone and confirmed the date with the nurse. He was astounded it had occurred as he could not remember it at all and he says it is not something he ever forgets. I explained that the nurses had sedated him at times and maybe that had happened then so that is why he did not remember. He did not like the thought of that at all.

Previously, I may have not been so confident in front of him as I was scared of him and the forthcoming backlash, no pun intended, that I would receive but that is no longer the case. Suddenly now I have all these strong women around who have no qualms dealing with him. I am taking it all in. I can be like that with everyone but my dad. I usually crumble. I regress back to the terrified little girl who had a monster looming over her.

But now I am me in this body and at this age and I am not going to put up with any of his nonsense any longer. All I needed was to feel the real support of others. And yet I had grown up depending on myself as I did not feel I had anyone else's support. I felt all alone. No one seemed to notice what was happening to me or if they did, they did not speak up, for whatever reason. I vowed I would always notice and I would always speak up for others, especially those who had no voice of their own, like children. I do. It has got me into trouble at times. Indeed, one time I was almost punched. And sometimes my husband has held me back to protect me. I may not have understood his reasoning at the time but in hindsight I know why he did it. When I get a chance though, I always will speak up for others. And now I have found my voice can speak out for me too.