This is me...

I had an afternoon nap the other day and I woke up as a I heard crash, bang, wallop. Now I am not sure if that noise was in my dream or somewhere in the house but it woke me up with a start. This was my immediate thought process: he has fallen in the bathroom whilst trying to empty his catheter day bag and it is my fault as I fell asleep and did not go and empty his bag .

Who thinks like that? Well, I do, often unfortunately. Not only do my thoughts flash to the worst scenario but I also put the blame on myself. Aaaaaargh.

I know where it stems from - well, apart from my childhood, caring for my Mum was a real rollercoaster and unfortunately there were a number of times a noise like that would mean she had fallen. (It was never my fault though so unsure why that is my go-to now.)

One positive is that when I cared for my Mum and that happened, I would have woken up and at the same time be moving swiftly in the direction of the noise. The other day, I did not move. I sat upright and listened. Did not hear him call so I sensibly made my way slowly down the stairs to check on him. He was asleep with the TV blaring as usual. Phew!