You know, sometimes....

Breathe, just breathe. Just need to check I have had my blood pressure tablet today. I know my heart is racing.

Definitely a time that I just need to spout verbal diarrhoea into this blog. I am not surprised, I do not think anything he does surprises me any more. But I am shocked at his disregard for others. I suppose I should not be shocked either.

So, in forty five minutes' time, a care agency manager was going to bring one of her carers to meet dad for the first time as she will be starting with him tomorrow morning. We had a few forms to complete for the agency. I went downstairs and disturbed his viewing of some horrific true crime programme to ask him for his signature. He wanted to know what he had to sign. I explained again what it concerned and he casually uttered 'I don't want them to come.' WTF!

He is still compos mentis. He knows exactly what is going on. I could not believe my ears. I asked him when he had made the decision, he said 'just now'. I reminded him that the women were coming to see him soon so he had to be certain about his decision. He nodded in agreement. Phew! I explained that he (i.e me) would need to contact them as soon as possible to let them know.

I phoned and had to leave an answerphone message as he refused to do so. I texted the manager in case she did not listen to her answerphone. And I phoned the agency just to make sure the message did get through. Obviously I apologised profusely but explained that it was solely his decision.

Do not worry, I will not have to be his carer each morning for washing, dressing, medicines and breakfast; a neighbour recommended a woman who has cared for a 95 year old gentleman for nine years. She has come in to help dad the past few mornings. He has decided he wants her as his morning carer. He must be feeling more comfortable with her. I guess that is the most important issue for him. As it would be for all of us. It must be difficult getting to an age where you need help doing the most mundane of tasks about your person.

I know I would not like it. So I get it. I do understand. I know he is not totally at ease with her yet but he has promised me that he will let her help him shower, etc this week. And, yes, the reason he would prefer her coming is financial.

The trouble is he has no idea of the cost of anything these days. So he thinks the carers charge too much and refuses to part with his well-earned cash.

Now I am sitting here being sent frustrated messages from the care agency manager. I have told her to phone and speak to him. I understand why she is upset. Aaaaargh.

PS Occurrences like this knock me for six. I really feel like I've been in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson. I feel totally drained, I just want to go crawl into my bed and stay there until all this furore blows over.

PPS I wonder if it is because I try so hard to care for him properly and so I feel really deflated when all my hard work comes to nothing. A bit like the care agency does right now too. They worked really hard to get his care into place to start tomorrow. And now, it has fallen through. They are unhappy as they thought they had a verbal agreement with him. Hmm, he would be the first person to complain if someone had reneged on such an agreement with him. But that is just him, isn't it? One rule for him and one rule for others.